Getting back with your ex-partner again, is always possible. However, a great many people fall into the trap of a number of obvious mistakes, in their strategy.
You cannot force love. The more you try to make your Ex love you, or accept you again - the faster they will run in the other direction.
Not only is this highly embarrassing to your ex-partner and anyone within earshot, it will come back to haunt you. Your own confidence, self-esteem and dignity, will take a nose-dive. Apart from being just plain pathetic, it also portrays you as being weak. AND, it won't
work!
Drowning our sorrows is an inalienable right, for anyone who has been emotionally devastated by a break-up .Getting drunk, will win you no brownie-points though. With alchohol clouding your already confused and bruised soul, you are even more likely to do or say something really dumb - if not out-right embarrassing to all and sundry. Alchohol and anger,or violence often go hand-in-hand, too. Don't make things worse. Just don't be drinking when important matters are up for consideration!
- The Telephone and the Drink
DO NOT even THINK about it!! Nothing worse than a maudlin, ranting and raving drunk on the other end of the phone.
Be careful here. It generally takes two people to ruin a relationship, be it with your ex- lover, ex-boy/girl friend, ex-husband, or ex-wife. Saying you’re sorry is always a good start to the healing process, but avoid taking the blame for everything that was wrong with your relationship, as this may convince your ex that you are just no good. Although the break-up may indeed be all down to you - it's not your fault if it rained every time you went on a picnic.
Your ex-partners friends are not going to like you anymore, they will take sides and it will not be yours. Friends
do that, that's
why they are friends. Solidarity and all that. Should you be unfortunate enough to be informed of negative advice, about you, by your ex's friends - wear it. Getting defensive, or even worse, bad-mouthing them in return, will only make things worse, for you. Your ex will be compelled to defend the friends and create another reason to dislike you. If you are going to succeed at winning back your ex, accept these views gracefully. You don't have to like it, or agree, just accept - don't compete, then at least you will have retained some
dignity.
Speaking of Dignity, do try and
not grab the first available warm body, in an effort to make your ex-partner jealous. This will not work, and there are a number of colourful but rude names applied to this sort of person. Being strong and self sustained in this matter, indicates to your ex that
they are the only one you are interested in.
Relying on your friends, as a shoulder to cry on sure is comforting. But try not to over-burden them to the point, where they see you coming and hide. We all know the person who bangs on about their ex at every available opportunity. Given that this is often a normal part of the grieving process and cathartic, it is not necessary – don’t let it be you. Be a grown-up.
Telling tales, embarrassing stories, or rumour-mongoring about your ex, will only come back to haunt you. The “he said/she said” game is best left where it belongs - in the school-ground. This can have a snowball-effect and things can get blown out of all proportion. If you are going to
start telling little lies - remember that you must keep telling them, to cover the previous ones -
AND you had better have an enormous memory to keep up with them all. A Rule to Live by: “If you don’t have something nice to say, then don't say anything."
Avoid using the word “friends”. It's a No-No. Ultimately, you are trying to get back together, in your "relationship". So call it that, manifest your desire - it's a "relationship". Calling yourselves "friends" is a backward step and you may just keep on going in that direction.
Try to avoid going to "those places we used to go". Or some place that you know your ex-partner will be. This will not appear as a "coincidence". You cannot just casually re-join the "old group", you have a history now. Guaranteed, if you try this tactic - everyone will go quiet, immediately after they have said their uncomfortable hello's. Apart from making a fool of yourself, what are you going to do next? Well, you could just leave and retain at least
some of dignity. But, you won't, will you? No, your going to go sit at the bar on your lonesome, sadly sipping at your drink. Wow, what a tragic sight - surely someone will see just-how-much-your-hurting and offer some succour? This will not garner you one ounce of sympathy! You are only going to look pathetic! Just don't do it!!
- "I just don't care anymore"
Okay, you have felt better. Actually you feel like crap. Who cares what you look, or smell like? Well actually, your ex does. He/she will be seeing how you fare, you are supposed to be trying to get back there, not advertising that you are a lost cause. Don't give up on your appearance. This is the time to look your best. Start working out, get some new clothes, and focus on improving yourself. You need to show the world what your ex is missing, you are one prime catch.
There is no plan, no rules, no "getting-back-together-class" - you have to do this all-by your-self. Starting with small goals like, keeping up your appearance, or staying sober, try to acheive these things everyday. Then move on to those that are a little more difficult, like creating a happy environment around yourself - buy yourself a bunch of flowers (this applies to men, too) every Tuesday. It's a small thing, but it helps - try it.
Quite possibly the hardest thing to accomplish when you are feeling so devastated - You Must Try. Sitting around, wallowing in self-pity and remorse, will not bring your ex back.
Hopefully, the words above have given you an insight into what not to do, when trying to get back with your ex again.
There is more information to be found on "Getting back with your ex
again" if you would like to visit:
relationship-break-up Thankyou.
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